Writing Wedding Vows: A Celebrant’s Honest Guide

Written by Isabella — Gold Coast Marriage Celebrant  |  Updated: April 2026

Most couples sit down to write their vows and do the same thing — they start listing every quality they love about their partner. It feels right. It comes naturally. But here’s the thing: a list of your favourite things isn’t a vow. It’s a highlights reel.

The couples whose vows bring the whole room to tears aren’t the ones who found the most poetic words. They’re the ones who told the truth in their own voice. As a Gold Coast marriage celebrant who has stood at the altar with hundreds of couples, I’ve seen the difference between vows that feel read and vows that feel lived — and it almost always comes down to one thing: story.

In this guide, I’ll walk you through exactly how to write wedding vows that sound like you, feel like you, and land with the weight they deserve.

Why Most Couples Get Vow Writing Wrong

The most common mistake couples make when writing vows is turning them into a laundry list.

They’ll write something like: “I love your laugh, your kindness, the way you make coffee in the morning, how you always know what I need…” — and while all of that is beautiful, reading it out loud at the altar falls flat. The key is to use those observations as a starting point, not the final product. What makes vows land is the combination of storytelling, relationship values, promises for the future, and the reason behind this commitment. A list tells your partner what you love. A vow tells them why you’re standing here.

What Authentic Vows Actually Sound Like

Authentic vows feel like a heart-to-heart conversation — the kind you’ve had many times before, usually spoken quietly when words matter most.

Everyone has their own unique way of telling a story, and sticking too rigidly to a template robs your partner of your true self-expression. I can guarantee they want to hear your vows in your voice — imperfect, personal, and real — over something polished and borrowed. When vows are genuine, you can feel it in the room. The couple leans in. Guests go quiet. It doesn’t matter if the words stumble a little. What matters is that they’re yours.

Where to Start When You Have No Idea What to Write

The first thing I tell every couple who comes to me feeling stuck: don’t sit down and try to write. Not yet.

Instead, open your notes app and start dumping. Think about memories you’ve shared, qualities you value in your relationship, what you hope for the future, and any meaningful moments that shaped where you are today. Jot them down as they come — over a few weeks, not a single afternoon. This approach gives your mind time to surface the things that really matter rather than grabbing at the highlights you remember under pressure. By the time you sit down to actually write, you’ll have a rich pool of material to draw from instead of a blank page staring back at you.

Want to understand what working with a celebrant looks like from your first enquiry all the way to ceremony day? See how it works here.

How Long Should Wedding Vows Be?

Length is completely up to you — some couples write winding, heartfelt ballads, others keep it short and punchy. Both are perfect.

What does matter is that your vows are roughly mirrored with your partner’s. You don’t need word-for-word parity, but you should be delivering similar weight — so one person isn’t speaking for 30 seconds while the other goes for five minutes. The best way to manage this: agree on the general vibe with your partner before you start writing (long and emotional vs. short and sweet), then share your finished drafts with your celebrant or a trusted friend who can give honest feedback on length, sentiment, and whether they feel balanced. Your celebrant has heard a lot of vows — they’ll know if something’s off.

A Simple Structure That Works (Without Feeling Formulaic)

If you want a framework to build from, here’s one that works for almost every couple — feel free to adapt it to your own style:

1. Share your favourite things about them
What makes this person so special? What qualities do you admire? What are the little things they do that make you smile? Open with a story that explains why you love these things — paint a picture of who they are.

2. Share how they make you feel
How has your life changed since they came into it? How have they supported you, challenged you, or helped you grow? This is the emotional core of your vows — the impact they’ve had on your life.

3. Share what you’re actually promising
This is where you state your commitments clearly. Your promises can be traditional, personal, light-hearted, or a mix — as long as they’re true to you. This is what transforms a speech into a vow.

Think of this as a loose skeleton, not a script. The story, the details, the tone — that all comes from you. You can explore all ceremony options, including how we shape the ceremony around your style, on the Packages page.

The One Thing Nobody Tells You About Writing Vows

Embrace your personal style — and don’t be afraid to speak the way it comes naturally to you.

Writing in rhyme when you’ve never written a poem in your life, or reaching for grand romantic language when you usually communicate with sarcasm and inside jokes, will feel disingenuous to both of you. Your partner didn’t choose to marry a polished performer. They chose you — your quirks, your way of telling a story, the way you express love in everyday moments. Starting your marriage by pretending to be someone else, even a slightly fancier version of yourself, is the one thing I’d tell every couple to avoid. Speak how it comes naturally. That’s what they want to hear.

Frequently Asked Questions

How far in advance should I start writing my wedding vows?

Start collecting thoughts at least 4–6 weeks before the wedding. Open a notes app and jot ideas down as they come over a few weeks, then set aside time to write about 2–3 weeks out. This gives you time to refine with your celebrant or a trusted friend before the day.

Do wedding vows have to be kept secret from your partner before the ceremony?

It’s entirely up to you. Many couples choose to keep vows a surprise, but sharing them with your celebrant beforehand is always a good idea — they can give feedback on structure and length without spoiling anything for your partner.

What if I cry while saying my vows?

You almost certainly will, and that’s completely fine — expected, even. Practise reading your vows out loud several times beforehand, including to yourself or to a friend. Familiarity with the words makes it easier to get through them even when emotions run high.

How similar do our vows need to be to each other’s?

They don’t need to be identical, but they should feel balanced in length and emotional weight. Share your drafts with your celebrant before the wedding — they can tell you if one set is significantly longer or lighter and help you adjust.

Can my celebrant help me write my vows?

Absolutely. A good celebrant won’t write your vows for you, but they’ll ask the right questions, give you a framework to build from, and review your drafts to make sure they feel like you and land the way you intend.

Ready to start talking through your ceremony? Reach out via the contact form and book a discovery call — I’d love to hear your story and help you figure out exactly how you want your day to feel. Get in touch here.